I walked in the door today, after 9 grueling hours of Fathers’ day sales at a Men’s clothing store, whilst rabid customers buy everything and expect everything to be gift wrapped and put in a box and corporate bag, even if they’re buying a $10 shirt from two seasons ago. Crash into my computer chair and load up Minecraft and 30 Rock reruns for an hour or two, and I hear my mum call out for me.

Investigating, I ask her why she’s calling so hysterically. “If you have time to play games on your computer why can’t you go visit your grandparents or do some uni work?”

You serious?

You walk into my store, in a group of 6 kids, side by side all holding empty reusable bags and spread out. Do you REALLY think myself and my coworkers are going to just flop about helplessly… 

Get your rat-tails cut off, get some pants that actually fit, go get a job, stop circle jerking and wasting my time whilst I’m trying to help people who are functioning members of society. 

When I say, “Just let me know if you need help with anything.” I’m not asking you a question, just say, “Thanks.” I don’t need you to scoff and say, “I don’t need any of your help.”

The only reason I was asking you was because you look as though you need whatever help you can get. 

(Skype): My mum just described a singer she heard in dubai, as “black and he was rapping!”

She just called me a bitch

call the police

she can read this

quickly

SH: you’re a bitch

————————————

Me: she’s head bopping to lil wayne..

SH: your mum is cooler than you are

please tell her that

*she laughs at me* 

———————

Mmm.

My mother told me her plan for becoming a drug dealer like Nancy Botwin, Weeds. “We’ll just empty our pool out, put a cover over the top and grow the weed there… it’s not like its hard drugs, its just poof poof *mimics smoking*. You go to uni, and you know Arts Students, so you can deal.”

She was joking, I think. 

A: why do asians have different eyes?

I’m actually being serious. Like how do they? And why do black people have dark skin it’s very confusing.

U: That is a great question, A. Indeed, I believe it is one of life’s greatest and most important mysteries. It is one that haunts my every waking moment. There are many possible evolutionary answers to this confounding puzzle, most supported by extensive scientific studies (see: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080723172559AAY3OFc).

U: P.S.: You’re a racist.

A: bullshit i am.

i really like how in-depth your answer is, i particularly like your references. i just find the concept of asian eyes both fascinating and crazy at the same time. did one baby wake up with asian eyes or did every generation progress with a millimetre. life is so complicated.

also from your link above, it says they are slanty because of the wind. so this makes me wonder.. i mean obviously it didnt happen over a life time but if i stuck a person in front of a fan, and his children and his children would they end up asian? can that even work?

Yes.

I chase my dog up and down the hallway going, “PEW PEWPEWPEWPEWP BZZZZ KRSHH” to give him Battle of Endor flashbacks.